I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
