If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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