I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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