Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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