omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
