I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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