Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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