You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
