i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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