you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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