Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
wow bdsm is so cute
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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