So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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