I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
