I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
do herpes really smell.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
