i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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