Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
