it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
