There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
