I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
