These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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