Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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