you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
