STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
