he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
