Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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