i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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