I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
