I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
