well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
