"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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