Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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