Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
