Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
