Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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