jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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