He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just gargled with NyQuil
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
