So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
