The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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