just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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