btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
