the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
