I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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