Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you win again, gameday.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
