David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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