Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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