God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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