I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
