there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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