I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize