I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
