Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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