i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
