Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We are all done wearing pants today
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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