my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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