dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
