All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
