what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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