tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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