Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Houston, we have a squirter
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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