Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How naked do you want me to be?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
