your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
