my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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