You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize