I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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