It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
