Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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