Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
