I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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