I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
