he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
