God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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