My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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